Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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