So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
