She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
did i just pee glitter
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
