Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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