Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
