you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
