You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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