And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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