I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
