awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
