Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
