There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm like, not good at living.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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