I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
