it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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