i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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