It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
