Its about making memories worth repressing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
