one might say we're banned from that church
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
