I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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