garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
