Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He? As in you personified your dick?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
