Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
