At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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