in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
