When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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