i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
