I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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