i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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