'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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