she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
