nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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