$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
