Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
