maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
