You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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