how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
