Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
