Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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