and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you win again, gameday.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
