He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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