I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
