I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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