Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
FUCK WHALES
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
