i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
