oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
