Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
whose parrot is this?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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