Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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