Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
