I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
