I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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