no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
