we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
